Being a mother is never easy. Ever.
Since the beginning of time, motherhood has been a difficult transition for nearly every first-timer. I mean, come on. The moment that you give birth, you are essentially erasing your old way of life completely and replacing it with sweet cuddles, sleepless nights, toys, feedings, diaper changes, and slobbery kisses. It happens all at once, and it can be incredibly overwhelming.
Strike that. It is incredibly overwhelming.
But in this day and age, I feel like motherhood is more difficult than ever on an emotional level.
We are forced with the burdens of perfection and information.
We all strive to reach the unreachable. That glorious perfection that we see strewn throughout Pinterest. The wives and mothers that seemingly have it all together.
We are exposed to massive, never-ending amounts of information. And that information lets us form our own opinions with “proof” to back us up.
(We all know what happens if we share an opinion in today’s world)
This toxic combination of information and what seems like perfection creates what I like to call “Mommy Monsters.”
What is a Mommy Monster?
A Mommy Monster is a bully. A girl (I refrain from using the term “woman”) who likes to both sit behind a screen and judge other mothers, and judge mothers to their faces. A young girl that’s never grown up and joined the maturity and magic that women possess. A girl that likes to lie to, and belittle other mothers to build up her own self-esteem. A girl that tries to compete with others daily.
We’ve all seen this girl. She lurks on the sidelines of your child’s soccer game. Cheering her “trophy” child on on the field and forcing unwanted competition into a friendly game. She doesn’t care. Because in her eyes, her and her child are the stars of the show, and you’re all just graced with their presence. She judges.
She hides behind her Facebook app. Throwing out indirect statuses and comments lined with put-downs, while she tries so desperately to make her life look as spotless as she claims her home to be. (And just from that, we know she’s a liar. If you have any sort of offspring galloping about your home, you’ve forgotten the definition of the word “spotless” entirely)
She also makes an appearance on Pinterest in the form of a younger, more deranged Martha Stewart zombie. You haven’t made an assortment of handmade sensory toys organized in custom-labled bins for your three month old infant? Shame on you! You’re a disgrace! (Personally, I find this girl to be the most obnoxious type of Mommy Monster, and she is the reason I despise Pinterest)
She comes out of hiding in the park, in the grocery store line when your toddler is acting up, at the gym, at your child’s school.
But I, for one, am ready for harmony between mothers.
Just like the age-old reason as to why any type of bully exists, it stems from jealousy and low self-worth. Which is unfortunately abundant with the rapid growth of technology and social media.
But we all know that ancient information, right? We have all been told since our toddler years to ignore these hate-filled people in our lives, as difficult as it may be.
But how on Earth do you manage a grown adult that bullies?
Its a more complex situation considering we thought the childish meanies we used to face in school wouldn’t be a part of our adult lives. But I’ve lived it.
First, you need to try to understand why this woman is acting the way that she is. If talking to her is not an option, try to really feel compassion towards her despite the struggle. Once you can bring yourself down to her level and open up your soul to hers, sometimes it can bring more clarity as to why she does what she does, and occasionally you can even cross her over to your side if she is open-minded and willing to admit her faults. Some awesome friendships have even been made just by initiating a caring, warm conversation.
Second, you need to remember the most important thing:
Know your worth.
Clearly, you are the bigger and better person in this situation, and dropping her like a hot potato is not a sign of hurt or weakness. Ignoring her very existence is your best option, unfortunately. Because who could possibly have the time to deal with a bully (be it online or in everyday life) and be the best parent you could possibly be? No one. She’s certainly not being the best parent she could be. Be a good example for her. Indirectly empower her to be the best woman that she could ever be. Eventually, she’ll catch on.
But ladies, the bottom line is this:
Despite me offering advice for those that bully others, it time to stop it entirely.
Women are dealing with the same struggles.
We are all dealing with the pain, exhaustion, and overwhelming joy of being a woman in this world, and many of us, mothers. And it is no easy feat.
We are the stronger sex for a reason.
And we are meant to empower each other. Not belittle. Not diminish.
We are here to raise each other’s vibrations and spirits. We are made for each other.
I like to think of every woman as a puzzle piece. By bringing us all together, we are one, whole being.
We are equal. We are magic. We are light.
But most importantly, we are sisters of the purest love.
Our children connect us further, and the old saying “It takes a village to raise a child” still rings far too true, for we are tribal beings to our very cores.
So why do we build these thick, heavy walls between us? Why do so many of us shut out and purposely offend other mothers?
I encourage you to think, ladies. Think about your children. Your daughters.
Is this the society that you want to raise them into? This woman against woman world? Or do you want them to be brought up into a world where other women are their main source of empowerment. Where your daughter can connect to another woman she just met, and be able to lean on her during a struggle of her own?
When your daughter has her first child, do you want her to have a group of supportive women that assist her with the newfound emotions of motherhood? To help her transition smoothly with a community of women who pass on their age-old advise and wisdom?
Or do you want her to give birth, and immediately be judged online for her birth choices and feeding schedules like it is today? To be afraid to make a comment to someone out of fear of their reaction. To be nervous about posting a photo of our young due to other’s comments. Its not fair. And it will never be right. I’m through being suppressed.
I hope this post has made you think. Not just a simple, mental agreement.
I want you to think.
Its time for us to reconnect, sisters. For our children’s sake.