What It Feels Like To Be Halfway Through Deployment

IMG_5910Do you see that pie chart? That one right there?! 

The one with more blue than white? Yes, that one!

From the day that my partner began his almost year-long deployment, I felt like this day would never come. So much so, that in the beginning, thinking about this massive separation would make me feel incredibly sick to my stomach. I cried, I lost sleep, my depression and anxiety worsened. It was as if time would never move as fast as I wanted it to. Like the end was the peak of a mountain, and I had to somehow manage to climb my way to the top by myself. It was a dark, difficult time for everyone.

But then a few days ago, I glanced at my countdown pie chart. The same one I used to check daily, even several times a day just wishing with all I had that it would change. It had been a while since I had taken a painful look at just how long we had to go until we could be in each others arms once more. And I was ready for it. I wasn’t going to let the sadness get to me that time. I even gave myself a lame pep talk about how after checking how long was left, I’d go do something positive.

But there it was.

That glorious view sent a chill down my spine and made my adrenaline rush. I couldn’t believe it! Halfway through! I thought. When did this happen?! 

The rest of the day was spend joyfully dancing around the house with the kids, and to be completely honest, feeling pretty proud of Nick and myself! Less than half to go!

But I don’t care who you are, or how strong you claim to be. Deployments are hard.

They suck away whatever life you previously had, and replace it with a new life. A life that’s both nerve-wracking and scary, but completely worth it nonetheless. A life that teaches you the true definition of patience, and shows you that the age-old quote “Love knows no distance” wasn’t just a beautiful thought. Because you’re living it. You’re living those super-intense flutters in the pit of your stomach when your phone rings and it reads out “No Caller ID.” You’re living staying up late and decorating care packages, while imagining his face when he see’s all of the crafts that the kids made him. You’re living trying to not read the news articles that are constantly shared all over your Facebook, because you know that its a terrible idea. You’re living everyday dreaming of the day when he steps off of that ship or plane. Dreaming of that first kiss, that first tight embrace that’s filled to the brim with love, and never having to let go. You’re living it all. And to have them back in the home that is your arms after this long fight? It makes all of those sleepless nights apart vanish.

Deployment may be tough, but for all of those spouses that are also in my shoes:


So pop open a bottle of champagne, pull out some junk food, and celebrate! Because you deserve it!

Next task: Figure out what the heck to wear for homecoming!

  • I want to know! Did you do anything special to celebrate the halfway point during your partner’s deployment? Are you planning on celebrating in any special way for a current or upcoming deployment? Are your kids doing anything special? Let me know in the comments below, or email me at thatflowermom@hotmail.com!

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I am an overly-passionate, Earth-obsessed woman who spends her time raising three beautiful flowers, and growing with the other half of my soul.

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